I turned 32 last week. Scared. Depressed. Mortified. Having no kids yet has definitely hit me hard last week. We have come to a halt on everything kid trying. It just sucks. And frankly pisses me. I have a friend who decided that her 32 was going to have 32 adventures . I support it and I am jealous. How can I let go and not worry about all the shit around me to have 32 adventures? I thought by now we would have said kids doing the parenting part of life. Now I’ve decided I’m writing a book about infertility. Why? Is it so I can rehash the pain and desperation while I type every single word? 32 I hope for a better year. Maybe I can talk my friend into joining her 32 adventures maybe I do my own! I’m hoping by starting over and reinventing myself, like most celebrities, it will just happen. I’m hoping for more sunshine and less depressing posts. Until next time.
Hello Y’all!! I am back fresh from vacation!! I went to NYC for the first time!! It was absolutely amazing!!! I feel refreshed and like myself again! Since my last entry I have decided to give this blog more attention and y’all more of my time. It really does help even if 1 person is reading this. Working full time, nursing full time, and just life is so exhausting. I just hope I can stick with it and write at least once a week if not more!! You’ve never been to NYC I suggest you go at least once! To stand next to huge buildings and the hustle, it put everything in prospective of how important it is to let the small things go and focus on yourself and family. Focusing on myself is one of my goals! I think the stress of trying to have a baby is driving me crazy and making me physically sick. I want to be a mother more than anything, I am not stepping away from the goal/dream, just readjusting how we get there.
Well I think it is has been too long since I have written. Since my last entry there has no been no new news. Not pregnant, didn’t get pregnant, NOTHING. I had this bright idea to start writing a book about my infertile journey. Who will read that? It was semi therapeutic. I guess that is why I found myself back to my blog. I don’t want this journey any more to be negative and all down in the dumps. Even though we all know there are days when everything sucks. I swear I want to have as much fun with life as I can and live. I feel like I have gotten used to oh not pregnant so much I forget to live. My husband and I are both in school and my nursing program hasn’t even started yet but they told me pregnancy during the program will not work. So guess we will look back into children in 2019. Yup you read that right. 2019. My husband is so excited. At least in my mind I feel like he is celebrating. We haven’t had sex since February anyway. People always say well you’ve got to spice it up. It doesn’t matter what I do or what I say HE ISNT INTO SEX. Sex for pleasure or baby making I am on my own here. He wants a blood relationship so there goes the idea of adoption. My life has been a freaking mess. You haven’t missed much except a few agreements over when to have kids. I will be 34 and he will 44 in 2019. I know that is still “young” but seriously I wish you can feel my frustration. I know there will come a time when he says sorry I don’t want to have kids. I think he is there and won’t say anything. Those that know me having being a mother is NO SURPRISE. I asked him on the first date. YES! He was on board. It’s been 9 years of nothing. Fertility treatment after the next nothing works. IVF is the next step he won’t step out with me. I am completely at a loss for words. Anyway this is my rant for the evening getting you caught back up in my life. Until next time
Well I’ve been gone awhile and since then we did another IUI. To no surprise it did not work. I’m not trying to be a negative Nancy but geez this is getting ridiculous. Anyway we are going to try again even though I am not on board I’d like to move on to IVF. I have decided to go back to school to complete my nursing degree hopefully that will keep my mind busy. Until next time,
So Wednesday we went back to the fertility clinic and basically our reproductive endocrinologist said we need to move on to IVF. Of course my hubby is not too happy. It is an expensive undertaking but we have been trying for so long that I’m just ready to move on and try something else. I thought the appointment was really good because I made my mind up a while ago to do IVF but I’m sure my husband is still upset or hurt that we can’t get pregnant naturally. We have done IUIS with no results. I’m excited and nervous and scared to move on I’m not sure if we are going to move on. My husband assured me that we will be doing IVF but of course I want to do it today he wants to wait. So thanks to everyone who has encouraged us on here I will definitely be updating everyone as time goes on. Please continue to remember us in your thoughts and prayers and good vibes. I know that it’ll happen because my faith tells me that. Until next time,