Tag Archive | #depression

Mentally Exhausted

I am over trying.  My body obviously hates me.  I swear the next person that tells me to relax and it will happen  I will Miss Piggy karate chop. I am trying to keep hope and faith that we will become pregnant but what if we don’t?  All that time wasted we could have been pursuing other options.  3 years of treatments 6 years total of trying and nothing.  I hate pregnancy announcements.  I really don’t have hate in my heart it just bothers me.  Clomid hates me.  IUI hates me.  What did I do to deserve this? 

Stella Nash

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Day 21 results.

Well I am on round 4 of Clomid and I have noticed the last 2 cycles my Day 21 labs are low again like I am not even on Clomid. Anyway with round 2 my Day 21 was a 26 something I believe it is in on of my blogs. And now with Round 4 Day 21 is an 8.73….. WTF? What’s the point of my even taking it? I am completely heartbroken and mad and disappointed.  I wanted two pink lines for Christmas.  This will be year 3 of wishing the same thing for New Years. A baby. A chance at motherhood. 

14 DPO

So I took a pregnancy test this am…. Negative. I guess I’m over it now. Guess we will do round 2 of Clomid. Geez why can’t it just be simple? Why can’t we all just conceive on the first try? And if we do why can’t we carry to full term and have a beautiful baby in our arms? What the heck life? I know its in God’s time and not my own. I’m also told he never gives us more than we can handle He must see something in me I do not. Well until next,

Stella Nash

Hurt

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Hey all. I appreciate everyone reading this blog reaching out and giving advice and email addresses. That is very sweet. I also appreciate my friends who have tried to say encouraging words. It doesn’t go unnoticed or not appreciated. I’m just in a mood this week and I’ll eventually push it back down and be all smiles again. But just wondering when its going to be my turn? I want to be a mother so bad and I’m sorry for repeating the same thing over and over. Until next time,

Stella Nash

Broken

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I’m so depressed today. I just feel like I need a good cry but the tears won’t come. I’m pretty sure I’ve been forgotten. The stork has passed me by. I  just don’t understand how can stable people like me and G not conceive? But complete crack headed, whores get pregnant?! I just don’t get it. Have I done something wrong and this is my karma? Its so frustrating to me. People don’t understand unless they’ve been through it. My friends tell me that my depression will disappear and I’ll be fine. G tells me to just not worry about it and quit being sad. I just can’t turn this off. It sucks and it hurts. I’m aching for something I feel will never happen. And today I just realized this and my heart is breaking. I feel just broken. Until next time,

Stella Nash

Rainy Days Make for Sad Days

So its rained the last 4 days here and I enjoy a good rain as I feel it cleanses the air and myself but 4 days…..I’m now off work today and depressed. I’m just reflecting on everything and damn it now I’m depressed and just sad. Today is my husband and my dads birthday. I lost my dad 4 years ago to a bee sting. Yeah a bee sting. I hate bees. Any kind. My dad was my rock and kept me going. He would be the big 50 today! Hard to believe he’s gone. And then my husband turned the big 40 today. God is he depressed. I feel bad because I’m trying to make it a good birthday despite the rain and his feelings. But so far he’s at work and feeling blue. He’s healthy and has friends and family that love him dearly and I just don’t know how to make him cheerful! Here’s to hoping everyone has a good July 4th weekend and safe holiday. While I’m over here trying to get my emotions and feelings in order!! Until next time,

Stella Nash